Image by ConnectionPoint Church
It seems that I still haven't learned what God wants me to learn. Huff. Sigh.
Here we go again!
We all have expectations, don't we? I know I certainly do! My goodness, if you knew what I expected, you'd shake your head. I mean, I shudder at my own expectations. But remember? I'm a closet perfectionist. The reason I call myself a closet perfectionist is because all my good intentions never come out the way I expect them to. Gee (am I dating myself now with that word?).
As a closet perfectionist these last couple of months have been really difficult. Need I tell you that things haven't gone as I expected? Not even in my family life. As a mother and a wife I want everyone to be healthy and happy. When one person experiences health issues, I get a little worried and all out of sorts. My husband has always had a finicky stomach. Recently, he's suffered even more with terrible stomach cramps and lethargy. In the end, we've come up that he has a gluten allergy. Before we came to this conclusion, which is easily treated in this day and age, I pictured him with all sorts of diseases and it scared the living daylight out of me. After all, I kind of like having him around and my plan is for him to get to a crispy old age. But we never know what God has in store for us. Thus... I worried (a whole lot!!!).
I eventually had enough of the worry because it was driving me crazy. My thought finally went to lowering my expectations. Now, usually that has a negative feel to it. But then again, do I have a right to expect anything? Hmmm. Let's just examine this for a moment. Really, in the grand scheme of things, I don't. God supplies everything. And by that I mean... everything. He supplies my daily needs. Everything I have is His anyway. He gives me above and beyond what I deserve.
Ohhh, that word. I deserve something.
I deserve being separated eternally – which is a really, really long time – from Him, but Christ kind of took that away and gave me a vacation at Club Med instead.
He saw it fit to give me beyond what I need. All I have to do is to step out of His way.
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock,
and it shall be opened unto you:
For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh
findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he
give him a stone?
Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your
children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give
good things to them that ask him? (Mt 7:7-11)
So really, if my expectations aren't centered on what I'll get out of the deal, but waiting expectantly on what He will supply, what will that do to me? Will I just become a doormat without any goals? Nope! I have put this principal into practice this last week. So far it's been excruciatingly difficult.
It's not that I have nothing to look forward to. It's just that I don't expect to be served. Does that make sense? It kind of made sense in my head as I thought about this over and over again. When I come home from a Market day in Springfield without having sold a book, will everyone in my family know it? Or do I walk around with my head held high, knowing that my Lord supplied everything I needed that day?
As I said, I've been trying this principle out this week. I have to tell you, it's kind of nice. I no longer feel so bound up in what I'm doing! I can relax, enjoy myself. I just have to determine to remember how the pressure is off me. It's not even on God, either, because He's God. He'll do what is good and right and perfect for me.
My attitude is a lot better, by the way. I had a wonderful day on Saturday. I talked to some nice people. I didn't expect anything. When I came home, everyone was sort of walking on egg shells. I could tell, because lately, Saturdays make me quite depressed. I exhaled, cracked a joke and enjoyed my family, independently from whether or not I sold a book. My daughter even commented on my good mood.
Yeah! I like that!!!! My expectations are... whatever God as in store for me.
If you came up to me and asked what I do, I'd have to tell you that I'm a wife, mother and teacher. A writer? you ask. Wow. Now that is something I never thought I'd be. But through God, all things are possible.